learning and growing

Dedication

2012-01-08T07:10:00.000-08:00

We are dedicating JJ tonight at church....and I am giving my testimony. I am nervous as I don't like to speak in fron of people, but know that I need to share my heart. This is what I am going to be saying...

For those of you that don’t know Mark and I that well, I’d like to start by saying that we have been married for close to 10 years and we knew that we wanted children right away. We shortly found out that having a family would not come easily for us. We went through years of fertility treatment with no success, and we were eventually told we would not be able to have children which was extremely hard to swallow…while pursuing fertility options we were also pursuing adoption….which was not an easy road either…but, we finally got a phone call on ____ and the person on the other end said that we had a baby boy!!! We were beyond excited…We picked up our new baby boy from the hospital the very next day and named him KMan…he was 3 days old…he is our 1st miracle boy!
3 years ago Mark and I were going through a lot of trials and losses. We wanted our family to grow but we were going through extreme financial crisis –We did have 2 phone calls for babies…one was a baby girl the other a baby boy…neither of those situations worked out in large part due to our finances….this was devastating for us.
Because of our financial crisis (which included loss of relationships too)…we were also losing our house. This was extremely difficult and humbling. We had to sell a lot of our possessions…things that didn’t really matter, but hard none the less.
On top of all of this my twin brother Ben had a fall on March 2nd 2009 and sustained a brain injury to his brain stem…which is the worst possible place to have a brain injury…we spent 4 days in the hospital with him…until he went home to be with the Lord on March 6th…I was completely devastated to say the least…devastated on all fronts of life.
I began to question God’s love for me, and questioned if he was truly good…I felt very alone and depressed.
I decided to do a very unspiritual thing to help me cope with all the losses…I began to train for a marathon. I decided to run the race in memory of my brother, but dedicated all my training to the LORD….which was a lot of hours as I ran a total of 576 miles in the span of 5 months.
I would listen to music and cry out to God to speak to me…one song that I would replay over and over again was “Oh how he loves me” by the David Crowder Band. The verse I would re listen to over and over again says this “He is jealous for me, loves like a hurricane, I am a tree bending beneath the weight of His mercy-when all of a sudden I am unaware of the afflictions eclipsed by His glory. And I realize just how beautiful you are, and how great your affections are for me.” ALL of a sudden my training for a marathon became the most spiritual thing I’ve ever done b/c God began speaking to me…especially through music. I heard him say “I love you, I am Good, you CAN trust me.” I remember running and crying and grieving my losses-but I began to do those things with Hope and peace in my heart…I was beginning to understand that the circumstances in my life were not a reflection of the amount of LOVE that He has for me.
One other song by the David Crowder band that I would listen to on repeat was “Just you and ME” which says “take my fret, take my fear, all I have, I’m leaving here. BE all my HOPeS, be all my dreams, be all my delights, be my everything.” HE was becoming my everything.
While training for my marathon I began to ask God for breakthrough in our family…that he would give us another child…I was truly at peace either way…but asked anyways, I promised God that if we did have another child that I would take every opportunity I had to testify to His love, and faithfulness in my life and give Him all the glory....which is why I am standing up here tonight. During the times I questioned His faithfulness…anther song that ministered to me was by Steven Curtis Chapman called “You are Faithful” which says..
"I am broken, I am bleedingI am scared and I’m confusedI am weary, unbelievingGod, please help my unbelief'Cause You are faithfulI will proclaim it to the worldI will declare it to my heartI'll sing it when the sun is shiningI will scream it in the darkWhen You give and when You take awayEven then, still Your Name is FaithfulYou are faithfulAnd with everything inside of meI am choosing to believeYou are faithful. "I and chose and still choose to believe that HE is faithful….
6 months after my marathon I found out I was pregnant. I can’t even tell you what my heart felt the day I found out…we had been trying for over 8 years…and were told by doctors that it wouldn’t ever happen…I am so thankful for the time I spent with the Lord training for my marathon…so thankful he changed my life..so thankful for our miracle boy #2 JJ….I hope that when you hear my story you are encouraged and no matter what losses you are experiencing or what you are waiting for you too can hold on to Him and His promise and rest and trust in His faithfulness. I am so overwhelmed with thankfulness as we dedicate JJ tonight.

My sweet boys!

2011-04-29T06:21:00.000-07:00

It has been awhile since I last blogged and a lot has happened!! First, of all here is a pic of our sweet JJ. He is such a blessing. I can't believe he is already 3 months old! He is smiling and laughing...he is generally a happy baby! He sleeps ok...not through the night yet, but we are working on it! He LOVES his big brother and watches him all the time!
People have been telling me that JJ looks like my twin brother (who passed away 2 years ago) Ben. I think he does too. It is surprising considering Mark has all the dominant genes! When Ben died, I remember crying out to God saying that I wish I could have another baby boy so I could name him after Ben. I obviously didn't name him after Ben...because my brother had a baby boy and named him after Ben. BUT, isn't God so good....I had a boy and he looks a little like my brother!
Oh-I don't think I wrote about my labor...pretty much everything went wrong. I was in labor for 48 hours...I didn't get an epidural till hour number 26! Basically, I didn't progress passed 9 and a half cm....I tried pushing for a few hours too! But, in the end I spiked a fever and they had to do an emergency C-section. The hardest part was knowing that JJ would be taken right away to the special care nursery! It was a God thing that he was a C-section though because the cord was wrapped around his neck 2 times and he was born in meconium (I have no idea how to spell that!). As soon as I had JJ Mark had to pretty much go home because Kman was soooo sick and not breathing well! Mark couldn't stay at hospital with me either...so it was a little rough, but it all worked out in the end!
There has been so much joy with the arrival of JJ as he is a answer to many many years of prayer. We always tell Kman that he was our first miracle baby and JJ is our second! The hardest part about having a new baby is the time I miss with Kman. I have cried many times because our relationship is different-he was my first and I spent so much time with him!! But, I know it is good for him and me to have another little one around!

Family Photo Session

2010-12-06T05:45:00.000-08:00

We finally had family photos taken....we haven't had any taken since Kman was 18 months old!! We met our photographer at the Eastman house in Rochester. What a beautiful place to take pictures! Kman had so much fun....it was so cold, and he didn't have to wear a coat and hat. He thought it was an adventure! On the way home he said "thanks for making my day so great Mom and Dad, taking pictures is so fun." He says the funniest things. We do realize we will have to update our family photo very soon! YAY!! Anyways we love these photos by Bethany Chase at bethanychasephotography.com-you should check her out!
Here are a few:

Faithfulness

2010-07-06T18:05:00.000-07:00

After my blog a few months ago...It is still somewhat unreal to me...but, God has blessed us...and we are pregnant. I am just about finished with my 1st trimester. We have had two appointments one at 7 weeks where they did a "viability" ultrasound. We got to see our little peanut and his/or her fluttering heartbeat. It was amazing. Then last week at 11 weeks I went for my first "real" appointment and got to hear the heartbeat. I cried so much...I was just feeling so blessed and amazed!

Mark and I had been trying to get pregnant and went back to the fertility doctor's in late April. We had a new doctor who had a TOTALLY different perspective than our doctor 6 years ago (we went through infertility before Kman-we did several procedures...none worked...obviously!). Needless, to say we got pregnant on our first try...and we were not on any hormones. I got a call several days before my period was due (I went and got routine blood work) and they said that the blood work tested positive...I was SHOCKED to say the least. It was the first positive test we have had in 8 years. I thought the nurse on the other end was lying. I couldn't believe it....I literally crumbled to the ground and cried! I asked her again "are you sure"....my period isn't even due quite yet! So the rest of the week, I was excited, but also very anxious. I had to go back several times for blood work to make sure the hormones where doubling. There are times I think really trust God...but, then I realize it is such a process. I was so anxious for about 2-3 weeks...and really had to spend time reading God's word and focusing on Him and trusting in Him .

I still have moments of panic...."Is this really happening?" "Am I really pregnant after ALL these years?" But, in it all my HOPE is still in Him and I am so thankful for the life HE has created within me!!!!!

By the way, can you tell how excited Kman is??? He has been praying for about 6 months for a baby brother or sister....actually he has been praying for BOTH!! =)

Hope

2010-03-13T19:44:00.000-08:00

We are in to our 7th year of infertility....it has been one of the hardest things in my life to deal with and trust God in...and yet, it has also been such a blessing. Without our years of infertility we wouldn't have our amazing son now. I wouldn't change anything because if I did, then maybe we wouldn't have checked into adoption....and yet there are days I see other families growing and it is hard. There are days I ask God "WHY?" and "WHY does it have to be so hard?". I thought that I had dealt with the issues that go along with infertility, but I am realizing that it will be a lifetime process for me. It is not something I will just get over. It is a loss in my life, and it is hard. However, I do trust God and know without a doubt he loves me and he has good things for me. After all, HE is the one who gave me my (our) son!

For about 5 years I have received an amazing publication about infertility...it has given me so much encouragement over the years. Reading people's stories makes me see that there are other couples that understand....who have walked the same road.
I would like to share a poem that was written to give you a glimpse of the pain that comes with infertility. There have been months I have felt like this...not every month...and more in the beginning of our journey...but, sometimes these feelings do creep in still.

"Today someone's hopes lay dying against the rocks
Today the waves come crashing down
Reminding her of what is not to be
Reminding her that in the nine months there will be no tiny feet
Her husbands eyes won't be staring back
Her nose won't be crinkled on another little face
She beats the ground with her balled up fist
She wipes the tears and puts on a calm face
Wondering if this nightmare will ever fade at last
Advice is offered once again, it's not the right time
Advice is offered once again, relax and it will happen
But the pain still feels the same, gut-wrenching
But the pain still feels the same, heart-breaking
And no amount of comfort can be offered
And no consoling words can bring relief
She watches other ships sail in the distance
She watches other families grow and evolve
In the flotsam and jetsam she waits, struggling to stay afloat
In the cold harsh water she clings to the cross she bears."

My hope is in the Lord, and maybe someday he will bless us with more children but maybe not...either way my HOPE is in HIM. I will hold onto hope. He is my hope.
Proverbs 13:12
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.

LOVE my little man.

Future Marathoner??

2009-10-12T18:42:00.001-07:00

My Parents

2009-10-12T13:47:00.000-07:00

These pictures (taken by Andrea) speak a thousand words. It has been a tough year, a tough journey...filled with emotions like; sadness, heartbreak, anger, denial, etc....my twin brother is gone, my parent's son is gone. I ran this race in memory of him and it meant a lot to my parents, as I think you can see in these pictures. It obviously doesn't bring him back, but I am realizing how important it is to remember him....it is especially important to Mom and Dad.

More Race Day Pics.

2009-10-04T20:01:00.001-07:00

Thank you to Andrea for these great pics.

Marathon

2009-10-04T16:45:00.000-07:00

Well, I did it. I dedicated my run in memory of my twin brother Ben who fought the fight and finished the race.
It felt great most of the time. I ran the first 13 miles on my own and then Mark, and a few of my friends tagged along the the next 11 miles. It was so helpful having people cheer me on! My goal was to run the race in 4 and a half hours. I ran it in 4 hours and 43 minutes. So, not too far off. I stayed on track for a little over half of it. I did hit the dreaded "wall" from mile 22-25, but then my adrenaline kicked in and I felt pretty good. I am sore, but not too sore! I think I may even run another one someday, but not for a while!

Here are a few pics.

Mile 3 and smiling!

Mile 13 and still smiling!

Mile 21 and not so much smiling...even though you can't see my face!
mile 22...almost there...where i hit the "wall".before the race

it was 42 degrees when i started to run.

must go pee one more time!

leaving for the race at 6am.

one of my biggest fans!

At the end of the race, I was emotional as my marathon had less to do with the running as it did it's meaning for me. I thought of Ben a lot and was honored to run in his memory.
K said to me at the finish "Mommy, great job winning the race, I am so proud of you." I didn't, obviously win the race, but in a way I did. Thanks to all who came out to support me and helped make it so special.

No turning back....I registered for the Marathon!

2009-09-14T16:35:00.000-07:00

Well, there is no turning back...I registered for my marathon. It is October 4th...and after another long run of 18 miles I think I am gonna be able to do it!
I am already thinking about what I will do when my training is over...it has taken soo many hours each week to train. It has felt amazing....for so many reasons. Running/training has helped me in my grief and depression, it has helped me draw nearer to the Lord, it has made me feel more like myself than I have in a long time, given me more energy and helped me be a better wife and mom...and the icing on the cake...I have lost 25 pounds!
Anyways, can't wait to cross the finish line...I will post pictures after the race...I probably won't blog before my marathon...I have one more intense week of training and then I will taper, but have a lot to do these next few weeks!

Marathon Update.

2009-08-23T16:44:00.000-07:00

So, I ran my longest run to date yesterday....18 miles. It was supposed to be a 20 mile run, but I stopped at 18 to get a freezy pop and when I tried to start running again, my body was like "I don't think so." I ran with a running group from Rochester and they don't stop for anyone...fortunately I was near where my brother lives and he came and picked me up. My whole body hurt, literally. I had several blisters, and lots of chafing! BUT...I did it...only two more long runs before the big day (October 4th). It was a gorgeous run...mostly on the Erie Canal. You know you are running a long way when you run through several towns! As sore as I was, it felt so great....mentally. I don't know why but it has always been a goal of mine to run in a marathon....and I am getting closer and closer to that goal.

A lot of other things have been keeping me busy too. Getting Kman ready for school, trying to find a job, having garage sales...and more.

I am still recovering from the run...I am sooo tired and hungry....so that is all I am gonna write for now so I can go eat more!! =)

More Summer Fun.

2009-07-21T17:19:00.000-07:00

I have been super busy this summer. I have been running a ton....I ran in the Utica Boilermaker last weekend (15K) and is was such a fun, fun race. I ran with a friend and we went the night before and made it a girl weekend. It was really relaxing and fun. I ran pretty good too. I did it in 1 hour and 28 minutes....my goal was to do it under an hour and a half so I met my goal!! It was a decent size race too, about 12,000 people. It took me 9 minutes just to get to the starting line! I also ran my longest run thus far on Sunday.....16 miles. I did it in 2 hours and 40 minutes. I felt pretty good running, but my knees killed Sunday night...I think next time I will take advil before I run. I have 3 more long runs before my marathon on September 13th...I think I can do it!!! It has been hard to train, but hope it will be worth it in the end.
(My friend and I at the Boilermaker 15K)
We have family in town this week and it always so great to see family! Kman LOVES playing with his big cousins! Kman also started swim lessons. I am so proud of him. He is doing so well. He has listened very well to his instructors. I told him I was proud of him and he said...."but Mommy, I was so scared!" I told him that he was brave!

In other news...Kman has ALWAYS given us a VERY, VERY HARD time with his haircuts and we decided with an older cousin here we would take him to a hair salon and maybe with the influence of a big cousin he would get his hair cut without a fight....and he did!!!! Seriously, that was such an answer to prayer!!! Next time I want him to get a more stylish hair cut instead of just a buzz. I'd like him to have more hair on top and shorter on the sides...do you think that would look cute? I am not always sure how to do his hair.....but, for now it is shaved off and we won't have to do anything to it for a few months!! Praise the Lord.

Summer Fun

2009-06-30T16:22:00.001-07:00

We went to an amusement last week with out of town family and it was a BLAST. I could not believe how much Kman loved the rides. He could ride a lot of the adult rides as long as he rode with an adult. He rode the "popcorn" and the "sleigh-ride" and many more. HE LOVED IT. He even rode on the "Ferris Wheel" and "Pirate Ship" ( I thought he may be afraid, but he wasn't...he couldn't get enough). He had so much fun with his cousin E and he especially liked the water park! Anyways, I know there are a lot of pics but I had to share how much fun he has had this summer so far!

He thought this ride was too slow! Especially after riding some of the bigger rides!
My little niece is such a sweetie, and I love the way she is looking at Kman.

There were a lot of kiddie rides too...these rides were perfect for M (he is not much of a ride person);)

Fun in our back yard on the slip and slide.

We hope to do a lot more this summer...I am taking full advantage of not working. Fall comes all too quickly...and hopefully I will have some sort of job in a school come September!

Happy after a LONG run!

2009-06-29T18:08:00.000-07:00

Well, I ran my longest run thus far...14 miles. It actually felt pretty good....although I am not a fan of roosters pecking my ankles as I run....or dogs chasing me through the road (both of which happened today!). Anyways, 14 miles is more than half way there....YAY!!!! Next week 16 miles.

Random

2009-06-19T05:33:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted about running in awhile, but I am running a lot. I am finished with school for the summer, yeah! Kman said the other day "It summer time Mommy, that means I get to stay home all day with you!!" I am so happy to be home and have NO work this summer!

It has been hard finding time to get my runs in. I wish I could just get up early in the morning and run, but it is so hard for me to get up! I set my alarm every morning but then press snooze so many times that I don' t have time for a run! I know if I just made myself do it for a while it would be second nature to get up early.....anyone have any motivation tactics to run in the morning??

Last week as an "easy" week of running, which I really needed. I had run 12 miles the week before and it kicked my butt. I was so dehydrated (i forgot my water pack) and my body did not cooperate at all. For the first time I thought, oh man, am I gonna be able to do this?? So, I don't know, but I am gonna keep trying!! I am going to run 12 again tomorrow....hopefully it will go better. I researched the importance of nutrition when running so much, so hopefully that will help!

I have two races coming up. I am running the a five mile on the 4th of July and then I am running a 15K July 12th. So, it is good to have races to look forward to and to help motivate!

I have family in town this week and it is great....but, it is also bittersweet. It is so different without Ben here. He always brought so many laughs and he played with the kids a lot and loved to play games and be crazy. I think we all are feeling the loss a lot now, especially when we are together.

I watched his testimony last night. He gave it at a church several years ago. He spoke about GRACE and about his addictions too....it was a powerful testimony. I cried the whole time watching it and have such a headache this morning. Watching it made me realize how hard it is for some people-dealing with addictions. Ben love the LORD so much, which was so evident in his testimony. Watching it also made me sooo mad at the enemy....the way he torments people....and destroys their lives. I know God is Good and in the end...Ben had/has victory in Christ.

3 months

2009-06-06T09:28:00.000-07:00

Today, 3 months ago my life changed forever. It has been a rough weekend....grief is just so unpredictable. Honestly, I haven't had much time to grieve...I feel like I am like a chicken with my head cut off. It has been so busy. I have been working full time (teaching and daycare), running like crazy, training/disciplining Kman, going to all Mark's baseball games....etc. I think grief catches up to you though....and it has this weekend. I just really miss Ben, plain and simple. At times, it seems so hard...I am a twin and it seems so unfair that I am here without him. I understand the reality that he is in a better place and someday I will be there too....but, sometimes in the day to day it seems unfair.
Three months ago he was still alive (he passed on the 6th a little before 9pm)....being kept alive I should say. My mom and I were talking today and saying that he could potentially still be alive....it was the hardest and yet the easiest decision of our lives. Hard to be selfless and say goodbye and make the choice to take him off life suport but easy in the sense that we knew we would be delaying his encounter with our Saviour if we kept him on life support. I replay that moment over and over, and at times I hear myself saying "did i really watch my brother die?" "did it really happen?". I don't want to go back and relive those times, however, I often replay it in my head....I don't know why, I just do. I think partly because it keeps me connected to Ben in a way....
I can't remember if I already posted about the last moments of Ben's life....but, when we knew he wasn't with us anymore all I could do was picture his passionate self running arms open to the Lord....and his struggles were/are over....I repeated to him "you made it Ben, I am so proud of you". I am so proud of my brother-he has taught me so much...and I am sorry it took his death for me to realize the impact he had on my life. Ben was so loved, and he loved so. I want to remember all the good times I had with him...and that is what I am doing today....and I miss him.

Long Run

2009-05-25T05:38:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my 10 mile run. It was amazing. There were times it felt really difficult, but then there were times it felt amazing. I was able to just run, think, pray and enjoy God's nature. It took me an 1 hour and 40 minutes (which was my goal time). My neighbor let me borrow her forerunner 405 sports watch...oh my goodness, never knew they made something like that. It is a GPS for runners...it tracks your miles, pace, time, calories and more. It was amazing....till I looked online and saw that they cost $300!! Oh well, she said I could borrow it for my long runs on Sundays. I don't even feel that sore today, and feel like running. Although, I won't because I know my body needs a break. Can anyone guess how many calories I burned running 10 miles??

Ok, I burned 1,300 calories! Oh my goodness, I was soo hungry all day!!

So, this weeks running is intense and I hope I can get it all in. It is gonna be a busy week. Mark has the EF leadership conference and it is also his last week coaching baseball so we will see how much I can get in.

This is my schedule:
Tuesday 6 miles
Wednesday 8 miles
Thursday 6 miles
Saturday 4 miles
Sunday 10 miles

I have pictures of some of me runs....but I can't get them to download...maybe next post I will have figured it out.

I did it.

2009-05-19T04:46:00.001-07:00

(after the race, back home)

Well, I ran the 10K....it wasn't pretty but I did it! I had/have a chest cold and so every time I tried to speed up I would start coughing so I was limited in my speed. But, I did it and it felt good. I tell you running is such a outlet for me and with all that is going on in my life running has become a peaceful, motivating-God time for me. It felt great to cross the finish line and see Mark and Kyle cheering for me!
There is definitely a lot of room for improvement as I ran it in 58 minutes...I'd like to run it about 8-10 minutes faster! Now, I have another 5K and 10K in June and then a 5 mile run, and a 15K in July and few others in August and the finale....the marathon in September. I have a lot of work to do. This week I plan on running:
5 Miles today
8 Miles tomorrow
5 Miles on Thursday
4 Miles on Saturday
10 Miles on Sunday
(my biggest fan...and soon to be runner!)
It has been busy as Mark is gone most nights coaching baseball....so I will do my best to get all the training in!

Getting ready for the Lilac Festival 10K

2009-05-16T15:51:00.000-07:00

So, I haven't ran quite as much as I planned this week....Kman got sick and I had a crazy week at work. But, I did get most of if done. I am trying not to be hard myself as life is unpredictable and I am trying to get all my runs in...but it doesn't always work. I have run everyday I have needed to....just cut one of the 5 miles down to 4 and the 6 mile to 4.5.
Here is a before the race picture....I love all the T's I get for running in the races!
I'll post pics of the race tomorrow.

Oh, and here is my handsome little man. I love him so much.

Training

2009-05-12T04:37:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I have decided to record my marathon training and progress on this blog....not that anyone cares, but so that I can see how far I have come. I love running!! I started running in college because I played basketball, but was a bench warmer, and on weekend trips we would go out to eat for every meal....and because I wasn't playing in the games much I was packing on the pounds! I started running every game day and surprisingly I loved it. Before Kman I trained for a marathon....I got up to running 16 miles...but then never ran the stinkin' thing. I can't even remember why. Then these last 3 years or so I haven't worked out or ran much at all, it just never seemed to work out. Now that Kman is older it is easier to leave him with Mark and go for a long run. I think when people decide to run marathons it is often not about running so much...as much as I like to run, deciding to take on the challenge had little to do with running. Honestly, I am doing it for my brother, and also because life is a marathon and it is hard and running a marathon is hard, but getting through and trusting the Lord along the way and finishing the race can be done! Did you know that only 1 in a thousand Americans run in a marathon each year? So, I am gonna do my best to train and do it! I don't run fast....I run about a 9 and a half minute to 10 minute mile. My goal is to do the marathon with 10 minute miles, which means I'd like to do it in 4 hours and 20 minutes. But, as long as I finish I am happy regardless of my time. I plan on running the Rochester Marathon in September. Oh, and I have lost 15 pounds from my highest weight...and have about 15 more to lose....maybe running will help ;)!

This week's training:
Sunday- I ran 9 miles
Monday- off
Tuesday-5miles
Wednesday - 6 miles
Thursday- 5 miles
Friday - off
Saturday- 4 miles
Sunday- I am running in the Lilac Festival's 10K =)

Basically, the schedule consists of a long run on Sundays...starting with 9 miles and moving up to 20-22 a few weeks before the race. Then shorter 4-8 miles 3 days a week....with an easy week every 4th week. (there was another whole training schedule before this...that helped you just run about 25 miles a week for several months....which I have done...well, only for 2 and a half months...but enough to feel comfortable with upping my mileage).

So, I'll keep you posted on my progress.

HOPE

2009-05-09T09:21:00.001-07:00

It has been a very long time since I have blogged....to be honest life has knocked the wind out of me this last year. A lot has been going on, some of which I can't share and some of which I can. First, our little man is 3 and half now (can you even believe it)...and talking like crazy! He is ready for pre-school...he asks everyday to go to school! I may even have an opportunity to be a pre-school teacher....and bring him with me next fall! He is potty trained now too!! Praise the Lord! He is the bright spot of Mark and I's life, and we are so thankful to the Lord everyday for giving him to us!
This brings me to a heartache of our lives. It has been a tough year too, as many of you know we are not able to have biological children. The thing that is hard is that I felt like I had dealt with those issues of "womanhood" when Kman became a part of our family. However, I think that it will be a life long journey dealing with the inability to get pregnant. I don't really even think about becoming pregnant much (but it is hard to feel like a woman...when, your unable to have children), I just think and dream and pray that the Lord will bring another baby to us through adoption. It is hard when your heart is ready for something (another baby) but you have no control over it. I hear people talking and planning when they want more kids and how far apart they want their children and all of that is just so very foreign to me. Anyways, the Lord as always is working in me and through me, but it has been hard. We have in the last year gotten two phone calls for potential babies (both boys) but, it wasn't meant to be. I know God knows and I am trying to trust him. I am thankful for Kman and am blessed to have him...there was a day many years ago I didn't even think I would be a Mom and I had many very difficult Mother's Days and today on Mother's Day I feel so blessed to be called Mom. Here is a sweet story about Kman...today we were looking at some pictures and there was one with a Mom and her newborn baby, and he looked up at me and said "Mommy, how can get one of those babies?". He would be a great big brother.
Another heartache over these last two months is that I lost my twin brother.
He really was the closest person to me other than my parents and husband and son. We shared everything growing up....I remember asking Jesus as my Lord and Savior with Ben (we were 4 years old)....Ben asked me the day after "Do you think the angels are still rejoicing?" Mom told us they were rejoicing when we got saved! We had our own language for most of our toddler years...he was my "IO" and I was his "WA-WA". He defended me and stood up for me...even when boyfriends broke up with me. In 5th grade a boy I liked "broke up" with me and Ben gave him back a gift he had given me and told him that he could eat it with his snot! I have so many amazing memories of him. We celebrated all our birthdays together, had the same friends and had the same interests. In fact we both scored our 1000th career point in basketball within a week of eachother! We got our licenses together and went to the same college. I really don't have too many memories without him. He was an amazing man....he understood the grace of God better than anyone I have ever known. You see, he had a huge struggle in his life and he was never comfortable with it. He would have been the first to tell you he struggled, but boy did he love his God. He always, no matter how bad his struggle was would recognize the Lord and he always wanted to be free from his addiction...and he now is.
It is hard when life faces you with worst case scenarios ( I feel like I have had lot of those lately). I remember getting the phone call from my mom over 2 months ago at 1 am telling me Ben had fallen and had a brain injury. I knew it was bad, but never thought in a million years I wouldn't be able to hear him talk again, or see him smile or watch him play with Kman. When I first saw Ben in the hospital the first thing I noticed was his tattoos ( I am not a huge tattoo lover) but I LOVED Ben's tattoo's. They showed who he was, and showed his struggles but also his love for the Lord. The one I noticed was one on his belly that had praying hands and the words "Hold On, Be Strong" taken from Joshua 1:9 (his life verse). I prayed that over him as I stood with tears in my eyes.
Dad got the phone call at midnight...the doctor said "Do you have a son?" My dad said "Yes, I have several". The doctor then said "Does your son have a tattoo?" Dad said "Yes, several" Then the doctor said "Does your son have a tattoo that says HOPE?" Dad said "That's my son." Can you even imagine getting that call? We had always feared losing Ben, but even in fearing it you never think you are actually gonna face worse case scenarios like that. Ben dressed in layers always, and he did have his ID, but they didn't dig deep enough so they got his cell phone and scrolled down and saw "Folks" and that is how they knew to call Mom and Dad. Dad commented at Ben's funeral about the fact that out of all his tattoos, Ben was identified by his tattoo HOPE. Ben always had HOPE that he would be free from his struggles...and now his HOPE is a reality.
There are many things I can thank the Lord for even through this tragedy. All my other brothers flew in and we spent 3 days in the hospital with Ben. We were able to talk to him and sing to him and pray with him. We were able to love on him and tell him all that we needed to tell him. I am thankful we all (Mom, Dad, my other four brothers and spouses) ushered Ben into the kingdom of God. I am thankful that he went peacefully and quickly. I am thankful I had 29 years with him, I sure do wish I had more and can't imagine celebrating our birthdays without him or growing old with out him...but, I will always be thankful for the 29 amazing years I did have with him.
So what do you do when life knocks the wind out of you? Well, I am still figuring it out. All I know is that I miss my brother so much it physically hurts, but that God is good and someday I get to see him again. So, I guess I am not really doing anything other than putting one foot in front of the other and clinging to the cross.
I wish you all had a chance to know him like I did. He was an amazing brother, son, uncle and friend. He was crazy funny and could make you laugh just by making a face. He had an amazing ability to make you feel so special and loved, he always helped the underdog. He was a hard worker and very loved by all. I am happy his struggle is over and that he is whole and is with the one he loved most on earth, his Savior!
Oh, on a lighter note I am also training for a half marathon and full marathon. In fact I need to go running now... 9 miles today. Running is very therapeutic for me. I get to think and pray.
So that is what I have been up to...grieving, processing, running, counting my blessings and clinging to the cross like never before. People have asked us do you still trust God despite all the hardships you are facing (believe it or not we even have another major "heartache" going on in our lives that I can't share about now...if you think of us we'd appreciate prayer!) and to quote my amazing Dad "Yes, all the more."

I've been tagged-7 random things about me.

2008-11-01T17:01:00.000-07:00

So, Vic from Painting4Him.blogspot.com has tagged me. Here it goes...it may be difficult for me to come up with 7 interesting random things about myself. I'll do my best.
I am not sure how to put the picture thing on here!!

1. I have 5 brothers and I am the youngest. I am even 15 minutes younger than my twin brother. I spent all of elementary school and jr. high career begging my mom to have another baby. I wonder why she thought 6 was enough?!!

2. I was an avid athlete. I played every sport my school offered and did pretty well in them all. Basketball was my favorite sport. I was in the gym just about every night after doing my homework and in the summer, as we lived right next to my school (my dad was/is the pastor of the church that founded the school). I used to shoot 100 foul shots just about every day and I recorded how many I made each time. I was the first girl to ever make 1000 career points in my high school and I did it within a week of my twin brother. 4 of my 5 brothers also hit 1000 career points in high school. I might add that my best friend is the only other girl to have hit that milestone too...and that was 10 years ago! I went on to play basketball at FLCC and Roberts Wesleyan College.

3. My first job was landscaping at my dad's church and LCS. I loved mowing because I always had a great tan. Since then I have worked at Tom Whal's, Cracker Barrel, Macaroni Grill, I have been a nanny, and I have taught P.E. and 5th and 6th grade. I have a teaching degree, and I hope to go back to teaching some day! When I was in college I worked 30 hours a week at Cracker Barrel, and played basketball...I was very busy, but liked it that way!

4. Speaking of tanning, I started an obsession in college. I used to tan 4-5 times a week for 2o minutes ...YIKES!!! I don't do that anymore!

5. One of my former boyfriends introduced me to Mark at the "Klatch" a coffee house run by him. I was in college. My boyfriend then dumped me, and I started attending EGC and got involved with "Passion for Him", which was a ministry run by Mark. I travelled and helped out as a leader. I didn't think of Mark romantically at first...after all he was too old for me! But then the Lord had other plans...it is funny because he and I went to a movie (one of the Star Wars movies) with mutual friends and that is the night we both felt like we could be more then friends. We knew that the Lord had a plan for us even though it took years for it to come to fruition.

6. I trained for a marathon, but then never ran in it. I was running 14-16 miles at a time. It is one of my life goals to run in one!!

7. My biggest fear since elementary school has been the fear of not being able to get pregnant...well, that fear has come true...but, God is so faithful and I am so happy that he is Sovereign and despite my biggest fear coming true, he has truly blessed me! I wouldn't change a thing because if I did...I wouldn't have the JOY of my heart...K-Man.

Thanks Vic for tagging me....it was fun coming up with 7 things about me! I have to think about who I want to tag next!

Fall Pics

2008-10-07T15:52:00.001-07:00

It has been forever since I posted...I have been super busy with my day care and just don't have the time to post too much anymore. However, here are some super cute pics of my K man...sportin' his fall gear.

Happy 4th of July!

2008-07-05T07:55:00.000-07:00

We had a wonderful day yesterday with our parents. K was/is sick...with pneumonia...so he was not his chipper self, but we did our best to enjoy our day! We cooked out a wonderful meal with our parents and then just sat and chatted on our back patio. We have a fence now and so K was free to move about, which was super nice. Our neighbors had a huge party and set off fireworks so all we had to do is sit in our back yard and watch the show! It was the first time K has seen fireworks and we have been talking about the "kabooms" all week. At first he really liked them but toward the end he said "No, we go inside, no get ouchies!" (and I have to say they were right over top of us, and they were like the real deal fireworks...so I can see how he thought we might get ouchies!). He decided it was safer to watch them with Papa inside in the sun room! After all the festivities we went to bed...K was exhausted especially cause he was sick. It took him less than a minute to fall asleep! Unfortunately, he didn't stay asleep and so our quest for a full night sleep is still on!

Hope you all had a wonderful holiday!

My handsome boys!

K loves bubbles!

and his scooter!

Wow, fireworks!

Happy "Gotcha Day"

2008-06-27T05:48:00.000-07:00

Judge and Me signing papers!
He's ours! Happy Daddy!

Today, two years ago we finalized K's adoption. For those of you that have adopted know what a relief and what a joy this is...those of you who haven't can probably imagine. For 7 months K was in our home but was not "officially" ours yet....which seems like such a bizarre thing to say and it was even more bizarre living it. I used to say to M during those 7 months...he's ours and I can't imagine anyone thinking or saying otherwise. He was really ours the second we saw him....in our hearts anyways! We had some difficulties during those 7 months...which led to the delayed finalization. I won't get into it all, but there were times I thought maybe someone would take away my son....it was a time of great trust in the Lord and I am thankful for his goodness and faithfulness through it all.

So, two years ago we went to the courthouse and it was as simple as a judge signing a piece of paper. We are so thankful that the Lord was and still is orchestrating our family! We love you K so much and are so blessed to have you in our lives! Happy "Gotcha Day"!

Happy Memorial Day!

2008-05-26T11:23:00.000-07:00

Fun at the Zoo

2008-05-26T11:12:00.000-07:00

Art Work

2008-05-23T13:06:00.001-07:00

ME: K what did you paint?
K: A Sunshine.

ME: What else did you paint?
K: A green one...green grass Mommy.

ME: What is this a picture of K?

K: My blue hands.

ME: Is there anything else in the picture?

K: Yes, Mommy a sunshine.

What a boy, what an artist!

Did You Know?

2008-05-17T14:44:00.001-07:00

(This is from a magazine I have received for over 4 years now called "Stepping Stones" put out by Bethany Christian Services)

That more than seven million people in the US suffer from infertility? "Infertility is a disease that affects the reproductive system, prohibiting many loving families from bearing children. Despite the staggering number of people who are plagued by this devastating disease, infertility is not recognized by most insurance companies" (from Send a Stork Campaign)

That nationwide the most common average price of an adoption (domestic or international) is $20,000-$25,000? (From Adoptive Families Magazine)

That only the church can solve the world's crisis of 143 million orphans....as there are more churches than McDonald's, Starbucks, and Walmarts combined (Rick Warren, author of The Purpose Driven Life?)

There are many things I don't understand in life, infertility being one of them, and it being so difficult to adopt...people often say why don't you just adopt....it is not that easy believe me!....but, I know that I trust the Lord and that I can be confident that "in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28.

Check out Bethany Christian Services if you get a chance they are an amazing organization.

K and his clothes

2008-04-28T14:55:00.000-07:00

K has been talking sooo much lately...his personality is coming out and it is so cool. In fact, he really enjoys picking out his clothes. He often knows what he wants to wear before he even goes into his closet in the morning. Like a few days ago he says to me. "Wear cool bike shirt Mommy", and so I said ok and went and got his bike shirt...he looks at it and says like I should have known "No Mommy, wear cool yellow bike shirt." So, I put the other one away and got the cool yellow one! He also picks out his PJ's. Last night he wanted his "cool blue bike PJ's", which is what he is showing you in the pictures. One more funny thing...at the playground he stopped his little friend and said "Wow, cool shirt". I think it had a basketball on it or something. He is quite the fashionable little guy!

Wordless Wednesday

2008-02-27T08:46:00.000-08:00

(Wordless Wednesday Blog Fotofest!)

SNOW STORM!

AND....a Scooter!

My Valentine

2008-02-14T07:17:00.000-08:00

Where do I begin my story of finding love. Well, I guess I will start by saying that growing up I thought I knew exactly what I wanted in a man. Thank the Lord that he doesn't always give us what we want...he gives us much better!
Saying that when I met Mark I was dating someone else. I was a freshman in college, and Mark was running a local coffee house every Friday night that I often attended. I thought Mark was an amazing man, but I NEVER thought of him as a man I could date or marry! Afterall, he is 14 years older than me! Well, my boyfriend broke up with me, which wrecked me. I didn't understand why God would allow it to happen, but again, thankfully the Lord wants what is best for his children. As a result of my break-up I really pressed into God and hung out with Godly and encouraging friends. As a result of that, I desperately wanted to be a part of a ministry and so I naturally started working with Mark's ministry "Passion for Him". "Passion for Him" was a group of people (high school and college students) that travelled and ministered to youth groups. I grew up in a wonderful church, and my dad was the pastor! I had such a great foundation laid which really helped me jump into a ministry role on Mark's team. Again, we both just really loved serving the Lord and didn't give eachother much thought other than that.

Move forward a few months and a group of us decided to go to see Star Wars in the theatre and I was going and Mark was going, as we had mutual friends and were friends ourselves. It is funny because that is when we both say we started thinking "hmmm" about eachother. I remember hoping he would sit next to me but couldn't figure out why I even cared. He obvioulsy thought the same way as sqeezed by everyone to get to the chair next to me. Our friendship continued for a while and we really got to know eachother and it was suprising to both of us that we were feeling more towards eachother. We knew we weren't the "normal" couple. We shared a lot on the phone and we continued to hang out with all our friends. I learned that Mark had gone through a lot of trials in his life and that he allowed the Lord to work on him instead of getting bitter. I loved that about him, because I knew people that allowed life's circumstances to get them bitter. I also knew that I never envisioned myself with an older man and was wondering how it would all work!
We had a lot of hurdles that I won't get into, we broke up a few times and layed down our relationship because it was just too hard at times due to the age difference among some other things. But, it always came back to the fact that we both loved eachother and knew that God could use us together as a couple.

(Mark speaking in Florida)
Mark proposed to me on September 15th, 2001 and we were married a year later. We had an amazing engagement. It was so fun and we laughed a lot, we spent time with family and friends and the anticipation of the wedding day was so exciting . I love Mark with all my heart. He is an amazing man of God, which is what I first saw in him so many years ago. It is funny because often times during our struggles dating I thought, why don't I just move on and date and marry someone that "looks" good to everyone else (we got a lot of raised eyebrows at first).

I am so glad I didn't. And, of course, we have our ups and downs...but we always say to eachother we wouldn't want to walk this road of life with anyone else!

Superbowl Party!

2008-02-03T19:48:00.000-08:00

Cooped Up!

2008-01-28T07:51:00.000-08:00

It has been so cold here...and so we haven't really gotten outside much. I almost always take K out at least once a day for a half an hour or so. He has been asking, and wanting to play in the snow, but I haven't wanted to brave the cold weather. Thankfully, it is supposed to warm up a bit this week! Anyway, this morning I decided to bring snow inside to him...I put it on his roller-coaster (which is a toy our neighbors have let us borrow, it is awesome...there is a cart you sit on and zoom down the two hills ...K LOVES it!). Anyways, he really enjoyed eating clean, white snow off the coaster!

I feel so cooped up , I can't imagine how K feels...so I am trying to do anything to make his days a bit more exciting! Do any of you have ideas for activities in the home (for a busy toddler!) during this long winter?

Yummy Snow!

MMMMM....

Check Out the roller-coaster...now imagine K on a cart thing and zooming down!! FUN!

Speech

2008-01-26T12:48:00.000-08:00

Some of you may know that K has been evaluated twice for speech...at first, I was extremely concerned about him and his speech. I just knew he was behind. Anyways, both times, he didn't qualify for services....he tested behind, but not behind enough. Plus, he wasn't behind in any other area. He was tested by a Special Educator as well as a Speech Pathologist. They said that he either had to show major delays in speech or be behind in other areas, such as gross or fine motor skills, social skills and I can't remember what else they tested him in...and of course he didn't test behind, he did everything they asked! It was nerve racking, having other people critique his every move! Although, they were so great and after a few minutes put me right at ease. Anyways, saying all that, I can't believe how much K has learned in the last few weeks. He still struggles getting speech out, but he has such an understanding of language. Plus, he is trying so much more to talk which is awesome.
This week alone he all of a sudden says and recognizes several colors..."geen", "blue", "purple", "led"(red), "lellow", "ornge". (He already knew a few of those before this week, I guess). He has also shown great interest in letters...I think due to watching "Word World" on PBS. He recognizes and says "A, B, C, E, J, T, U, O". Because it has taken him so long to talk, I have often wondered how much he knew or understood...well, now I am learning and I am so excited. He has also started saying a few two word sentences...which is a big improvement for him. He says "shut door", "more please", "hi mommy" and many more combinations...my favorite thing that he says is "more olives please"! I know he is still a little behind, but I am so encouraged that he is making progress every day! God is good.
We have had a lot to figure out with K...in fact I went to his two year old well check and my pediatrician (who I love, by the way) said, "Congratulations, you made it through the infant and baby stages!". She knows what a challenge it has been at times..with allergies, asthma and eczema...oh and the lack of sleep for 1 and a half years! She also said that we were great parents and hopes we will be able to adopt again...as she loves to see children in good homes. That was nice to hear too! Sometimes, I think we all wonder how well we are actually doing as parents! She also said that he was the perfect size which is great because his diet is so limited. He basically lives off of fruit! And, she said in her opinion he will catch up in speech in no time. She thinks he is quite advanced in his gross and fine motor skills and that those things have developed first, before speech. So, again, God is so good. I am so thankful for his help along the way! Oh, and she was extremely happy we didn't do all those hearing tests ( I don't know if you rember when we thought he had hearing loss?). She says if he does have hearing loss that it is most likely minimal and he can test without being sedated in another year. So we are trusting we won't even have to do it!.
Anyways, just a little update on K!

Workin' Man

2008-01-14T14:59:00.000-08:00

Cheese

2008-01-10T12:42:00.000-08:00

Continued Success

2008-01-10T09:16:00.001-08:00

A few people have asked me how K has been doing in his big boy bed, and I have to say he is doing quite well. He has not gotten out of his bed since the first night. Although, last night he did fall out of bed...M and I ran upstairs to find a completely stunned little boy, I think he thought he was going to be in trouble! We just laughed and said "Oh, you fell out of your big boy bed, be careful!", and put him back. It was actually quite hilarious. He does, however, take like an hour to get to sleep...he just lays and talks and looks at a book and every once in a while says "Mommy gone" in a really pathetic, sweet kind of way. Last night is the first night with the new bed that he slept totally through the night. The other nights he has called for me, without getting out of bed though! So, I think we made a good choice...he really loves his bed!
On a side note, I have to brag on K again. I am so proud of him. We had to go to the doctors today to have his MMR challenge done (3 and a half hour appointment, with lots of poking and prodding). He was supposed to get it at 15 months, but due to his egg allergy we put it off. So, they had to do skin testing first...just like what they did for his flu shot. He does so well...I mean, don't get me wrong he fights it and gets upset, but during the waiting time he was happy as could be, saying "Hi" and "Bye" to all the nurses checking on him! At one point they let us walk all around the offices...he was marching and following one of the nurses (I thought it was so sweet of her to play follow the leader with him!) and saying "Hi" to everyone. They all thought he was so cute, and he was. He is already learning life lessons...today being that you often have to do things that aren't fun in life...but, you have to do them anyways, and make the most of it...which is exactly what he did today. Go K!!!
The last thing I have to say is that....WE ARE FINISHED WITH IMMUNIZATIONS TILL HE IS 5 or 6...(except the flu shot every year....but that is it!) PRAISE THE LORD!!!!

Yummy Cake!

2008-01-06T13:20:00.000-08:00

We celebrated my mom's bday today and I made her a Black Forest cake from scratch....I have always wanted to make a Black Forest cake and so I finally had a good reason to! It turned out pretty good. A little sloppy with the heavy cream frosting, but it tasted great!

Happy Birthday Grammy, we LOVE you.

First success

2008-01-06T06:05:00.000-08:00

K did a great job in his big boy bed last night! It took him FOREVER to fall asleep (I think about an hour and a half...8:30-10ish), but I think it was mainly due to the excitement of something new. He only got out 3 times during that falling asleep phase...which, I think is pretty good. Then he got up once in the night...but never left his bed. He just called for me. I went in and got him settled and left. I then heard, "Mommy, gone", but he still remained in his bed till 8:45 this morning. He woke up and just sat in his bed till I came in! The first thing out of his mouth this morning was "baby" as he pointed to the crib! Hopefully we made the right choice about moving him to a toddler bed and that this is one successful night of many to come.

Growing Up

2008-01-05T11:07:00.000-08:00

New Toddler Bed!

Well, we broke down and bought a toddler bed this morning for K. He has been giving us a horrible time at bed time....he has been jumping up and down in his crib screaming and yelling for "Mommy" and then after a while "Dada"....he often does it for an hour at a time(can we say strong willed!)! Then last night he started getting out of his crib. He wouldn't just put his leg over the crib and climb out safely, he would just flip himself over head first....VERY dangerous. M had to sit in his room until he fell asleep to make sure he was safe. So, we talked and prayed for awhile last night and first thought we should just get one of those crib tents, but I read mixed reviews about them and plus I think it would freak K out...being zipped up in his crib. So, we decided to get a toddler bed and do battle if we had to! He was so excited about his "Big Boy" bed, he now looks at the crib and says "baby" (it is still in his room, just in case)! There are a few positives about having a toddler bed....instead of the crib tent. It is good he can't jump up and down anymore, because that just riled him and made it almost impossible for him to fall asleep. Plus we are able to set clear boundaries...he can not get out of his bed. It is also nice I can just sit on the floor and rub his back until he gets groggy, and then leave and know he is safe. The true test will be night time though...we are hopefully ready for whatever happens and happy he can't hurt himself getting out of the toddler bed.

It is sad to see him in a bed....he is getting too big, too fast!

Sweet Dreams, we HOPE!

K loves his room!

And new bed!

Daddy Time

2008-01-02T07:36:00.000-08:00

New Year...Open Doors.

2008-01-01T06:15:00.000-08:00

(Handsome Boy in Handsome Jacket!)

We had a wonderfully quiet and peaceful New Year's Eve. We have always been kind of low key people and so it was nice to do something low key on New Year's..plus it was low key because we just had our parents here. We are so blessed to have them both live right near us. They joined us and we had a quiet evening together (except when K was crying in his crib "Mommy", "Mommy", which lasted over a half an hour!!). We also had good food. I made my Grandma O's potato soup recipe and it was delicious. We also had an amazing spinach salad, cheese and crackers...and a few other snacks. We played a few games too (Apples to Apples and Catch Phrase).

The best part of the night was spent in reflection of what the Lord has done for us this year. Of course, we all had things to share. I personally, am thankful for his strength as motherhood is difficult and yet he gives me strength everyday. I am also thankful for his grace, as I need that everyday too. M is thankful for the Lord's faithfulness when we are faithless....I too, am thankful for this. My parents and mom-in-law had things to share as well. It was so nice to end a year in thanking the Lord and begin a new one the same way. It is always nice to start a new year...new things...new beginnings. M and I have a lot to pray about this year, and we trust the Lord with everything. One thing on our hearts for this year, is adopting again. We are at the beginning phases of research again...but we are there again. Which is totally the Lord...as I have felt too overwhelmed in the past to even have the heart to pursue/research anything. Another total God thing is that M is on the same page as me...last time I brought up adoption, before K, it took months for the Lord to work on M's heart! And it was so encouraging that when I brought up the fact that I was doing some research, M said "Good, you are good at that!", and basically he said I am ready to be researching again too!! However, mostly what we want this year is to know Jesus better...for that is what it is all about!

My mom-in-law also shared that 2008 is to be a year of open doors and new beginnings...amen to that!

I hope you all had a blessed night, and were able to reflect on the Lord's goodness as well!

Christmas Pics

2007-12-26T08:56:00.001-08:00

K loves his cousin B. He had so much fun dragging her around...she is such a good sport.

Uncle S helping K with his train puzzle.

Grandma S. is so special.

Yay, more presents.

It's been crazy here!

2007-12-23T15:31:00.000-08:00

Well, I haven't blogged in over a week. It has been crazy around here. I have had family in town since Tuesday and it has been wonderful. I have enjoyed my five brothers , my sister-in-laws, and my two little nieces. K has loved having so many people around! I have to say, I haven't taken any pictures and I am so disappointed cause we have done so much. We all bundled up and went sledding one day. K LOVED it....especially when he went down the hill with his uncles. We built a humongous snowman in my parents back yard. Everyone helped...it is pretty hilarious seeing 7 grown men, 4 grown women and 3 little kids out in a small back yard building an 8 foot snowman...and I have no pictures to show for it. Oh well, my bros took some...if they send them to me then I will try to post a few.
We actually already opened all our presents cause one of my brothers had to leave today. K got soo many train things. He was so excited! It has been crazy but so great to be with family.
Well, till next time. I hope you all have a blessed holiday with your friends and families!!!

Wordless Wednesday

2007-12-12T14:37:00.000-08:00

My Twin Brother!

Frosty

2007-12-09T11:46:00.000-08:00

Thanks to K's aunt and uncle for the beautiful snowman sweater! He looks so handsome in it. Although, it is virtually impossible to get a non-silly picture with K!!

Allergies and Anxiety

2007-12-08T19:44:00.000-08:00

I don't know if any of the people that read this blog have children with allergies, and I understand there is a fair amount of anxiety in raising young children in general...in fact, one person told me that the first 10 years of your child's life you worry about their physical health and the second 10 years of your child's life you worry about their emotional/spiritual health....I can understand that statement!
Anxiety over allergies is exasperated during the holidays...before I get to that let me start at the beginning. When K was a few days old we noticed he was struggling with the formula he was on so we switched to soy formula. After a few days of that his whole face broke out and he started pooping lime green. We thought "hey, maybe he is allergic to this" and we switched his formula again...and his face cleared up and his poop was of normal color! After that he started having eczema....and of course our pediatrician told us that along with eczema often comes allergies and asthma...well, we are 3 for 3. God's hand of protection has been all over K though. When he was about 1 I was making PB Balls and I touched his hands...he broke out in hives immediately...again I thought "hmmm, he may be allergic to peanuts!". Then, right before his 15 month check up I gave him a little bit of an egg...he got realy sick and threw up..."hmmm, allergic". So I didn't have him get his MMR shot at 15 months because it is made with egg.
We are, however, trusting the Lord that K will outgrow these things, as that can happen and does happen.
In the last few months we have had him tested and sure enough he is allergic to eggs, peanuts, tree nuts, soy, beef, sunflower oil, sesame seeds, dogs and several spring trees! Needless to say we have totally changed our diet as everything that you buy processed runs the risk of having an allergen in it! This has been good for M and I...we needed a dietary make-over! Although, it is difficult cause I always have to pack his food, think about what he is eating and pray there are no adverse effects.
I get anxious around the holidays because there are allergens everywhere (mostly peanuts and nuts)...not in our home...we don't allow most of the things he is allergic to in our house. We figure it is the ONE totally safe place. I know he will eventually get to an age of understanding his body and will not just grab food without asking if it is ok to eat...but, until then I often live in a state of paranoia!
I also think about down the road to Kindergarten...I always thought I'd send him to our local Christian school, but what a nervous wreck I will be worrying about the food other kids bring to school...and the birthday parties...he can't eat most cake because there are eggs in it! Will I have to make him his own cupcake to bring on the days birthdays are being celebrated...will I have to make him eat by himself so that he doesn't touch or smell a peanut? Should I home school him because of his allergies? I know, I know I am getting paranoid...but these are the things I think about. A lot of people don't get the seriousness of allergies....and I understand, cause I never did! But I have been to the ER once with a serious allergic reaction and it is scary!
I have to say though...in all of my anxious thoughts I KNOW that the Lord is using this in my life cause I need to TRUST HIM so much more. He is K's ULTIMATE protector and a part of me has to let go...I also know that I need to put things into perspective...so many children have it so much worse...the Lord is teaching me to be thankful that there are ways to combat allergies and asthma. God is so faithful to bring things in our lives that shape and mold us into who he wants us to be! Thank you Lord!
A verse I cling to these days is a very familiar one....but I am gonna write it anyways!
Philippians 4:6-7
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."
PS...You may be wondering what brought this all on...K broke out in hives tonight. He is fine, it just brought up my silly fears and anxiety!

SNOW

2007-12-05T18:32:00.000-08:00

Christmas Pics

2007-12-05T13:42:00.000-08:00

So...today I had on my to-do list to take pictures of K for a Christmas card. I didn't realize how hard it would actually be. I did get quite a few and I think I even got some that are good enough to use on a card...hopefully. In order to get him to cooperate I had to let him do things he isn't normally allowed to do....hopefully, it won't totally confuse him! I let him play with a few ornaments on the tree and let him sit on our coffee table and play with the candle.

Here are some of the pics I won't be using!

Brr...it's cold.

2007-11-27T05:38:00.000-08:00

We all went to help Grammy and Papa pick out a Christmas tree..K loved it, but it was soooo cold!

Remembering

2007-11-21T05:08:00.000-08:00

I am thankful for many things this Thanksgiving. However, the last two years at Thanksgiving time I tend to think mostly about God's faithfulness to us in allowing us to be a family by giving us K.
Two years ago we were pursuing an adoption in Guatemala...we had gotten all our paperwork done and it was approved two years ago today....we also got a random phone call from a lady who works with a ministry (this ministry helped orchestrate K's adoption)...she just wanted to ask what we were doing for Thanksgiving ( I think she wanted to know if we were going to be around!). We really didn't think too much about the phone call... because we had had other calls that didn't amount to anything.
SO....again, without the fingerprints in our dossier for the Guatemalan adoption we would have never had the paperwork we needed to adopt K...who knew that within a week our lives would change forever and the Lord would give us answers and give us our sweet boy!

Decorations

2007-11-19T10:14:00.000-08:00

I know...I am crazy...I already have my Christmas decorations up! I have good reason though...first, it just makes me cheery to see my favorite decorations up and 2nd we bought K a train to go around the Christmas tree for his birthday. His bday is a few days after Thanksgiving and we wanted to get the train set up the night before....and I didn't want to put the train and tree up the same night! Anyways, we had pizza delivered the other night...and you should have seen the look on the delivery guy's face!

I have had this ornament since 1983...my church used to make all the kids these when they were little...and so here I am!

I love my nativity set...and more importantly K loves it. He has loved looking and listening as I describe what Christmas is truly about. He really loves making the animal sounds too!

My Sweet Boy!

2007-11-15T13:34:00.000-08:00

Well, we made it through our day....for those of you that didn't know K had to go get his flu shot today. You may think, no big deal, a lot of kids get the flu shot. Well, for K these things are a bigger deal because he has A LOT of allergies. He is allergic to egg, for one...which is why the flu shot is a bigger deal (flu shots are made with an egg solution). We had to be at the allergist by 8:30am and they did a flu challenge on him. They first had to do scratch tests, which is where they put egg on his skin as well as part of the flu solution...and two other things. He reacted majorly to the egg...which was no surprise because we knew already that he has an egg allergy. However, there didn't seem to be a reaction to the flu solution. Praise the Lord. So..he got a little of the shot injected into one leg and then we waited and waited to make sure there was no reaction...there wasn't...so he got the rest of it in his other leg...and we waited and waited.....and no reaction!! We were able to go home by NOON. I am so happy because we debated about giving him the flu vaccine, but, with his asthma we felt it is important to get him as protected as possible. I have to say...going to the dollar store to buy cheap toys helped tremendously!
So...our next major appointment is his MMR challenge...but not till January!

He really is a champ. He has been to soo many doctors and hates going, but he somehow gets through it and is resilient. He took a 2 hour nap and has been so good...he will remind me now and again that he has boo-boos on his legs, and I kiss them...what a sweet boy!

Ketchup, anyone?

2007-11-14T09:17:00.001-08:00

K LOVES ketchup...I started giving it to him to help him eat better....and it worked, but now he dips everything in it...veggies, fruit, sandwhiches, and the normal things too of course!

Here he is eating lunch....with lots of ketchup!

My Guys

2007-11-12T18:06:00.000-08:00

I wanted to post these before...but didn't have enough time. These were taken before church last Sunday...I love that they match and that you can tell K is saying "cheese".
I love them.

Proud Daddy

2007-11-12T08:49:00.001-08:00

I love this pic!